I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize