I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
