Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
being pregnant is like rehab
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize