I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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