Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
