the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize