i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
