3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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