No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
His hands were made for my vagina.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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