brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
