Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The uberlube is also flammable
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
