there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
