Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
