I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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