I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
