bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
