You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
