Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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