just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
