all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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