Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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