i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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