you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize