My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
