Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize