it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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