Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
