help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
