I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
