All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
