The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
