my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
