She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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