don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
If I die, sorry about rent.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
