she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i drank out of a bidet.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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