You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
