somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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