the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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