you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
