For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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