please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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