wrigley field is MILF paradise
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
