you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
