my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
