when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
