Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
