Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
