Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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