my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
