No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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