i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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