I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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