im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My feet surprised me
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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