I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
