PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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