I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
