you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
