On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
wow bdsm is so cute
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
