You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
