if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
