i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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