i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
