I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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