i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
