God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
