The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
