Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
