believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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