Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
im six kinds of drunk right now
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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