Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
