Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
