WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
